Now put your hands on the SHL rulebook. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Say I do!

Keith in Flames Answer: Fuck naw you don’t tell me what to do.

SL : That’s not very polite sir! Please calm down!

Please tell us your real first name and where do you live right now?

Keith in Flames Answer: Keith and I’m from Philadelphia.

SL : Is that where they make the Philadelphia cream cheese?

Keith in Flames Answer: if you want to see where the cream cheese is made just subscribe to my onlyfans.

SL : Maybe! Maybe not!

When and how did you first find out about the SHL?

Keith in Flames Answer: Juliet begged me to join SHL and was so desperate for it we literally traded Pittsburgh for Calgary to get me in.

SL: Thats not true! You just made that up so that we have to thank you now for saving the SHL!

Keith in Flames Answer: If I made it up how else can you justify Juliet giving up a perfectly good team for Shittsburgh?!

SL : Just have to read her interview! 🙂

A wiseman (Blake) suggested you, in his last 32 thoughts, to contact Tyler in Boston. Were you able to talk to him?

Keith in Flames Answer: Who the fuck is Tyler? And why is Blake thinking about me all the damn time.

SL : For Blake, I can’t tell! Maybe he saw a picture of you with your fur costume for Mardi Gras! For Tyler, he is a cool dude! You will see when you are going to talk to him! One day!

Keith in Flames Answer : Give me Tyler’s number and I’ll call that hoe up since Blake wants me to contact him.

You paid the big price to get the Great 8 but he is not even on your top 3 scoring list. Are you disappointed? Did you cry a little?

Keith in Flames Answer: I’m always disappointed. Its FHL Sim, if you aren’t disappointed all the time then you aren’t playing FHL Sims right. Also yes I cry every night and every time I check my games and see Marchy and Guentz racking up 3 points a game and Ovie just being a useless fu$k

SL: You seem more than disappointed. I’d say, sour?

Did you know that your coach is AOC? And it doesn’t stand for Alexander Ovechkin Club, right!

Keith in Flames Answer: Anal Only Club…

SL : Oh that would explain why you think your team is shit!

I didn’t see any trade board updates or trades lately from Cowtown! Whats cooking!

Keith in Flames Answer: Did you just call me a cow you little shit? Also I started a new job and haven’t had much time. Besides with my current salary the way it is and depleted farm the only way I could make moves is if I move on from Ovie for cheaper contracts but his contract is hard to swallow for most contending teams. But if anyone reads this and wants to slide into my DMs then come on down my body is ready.

SL : Break a leg with your new gig!

Who is your favorite NHL team?

Keith in Flames Answer: Flyers and Wild.

SL : So you must like Chuck Fletcher?

Keith in Flames Answer : Chuck Fletcher is awful. He ruined the Wild and now he’s ruining the Flyers. I’d hate to say this but I much rather have Hextall back as GM for the Flyers.

Who is your favorite player of all time?

Keith in Flames Answer: Derek Boogaard.

SL : Courageous man, he is!

If you could catch a GM asleep and steal one of his players, who would that be? Not that you really need anything right now!

Keith in Flames Answer: Whoever had Matt Boldy. My answer would normally be Kirill but I got him already. Also if I found any GM asleep I’d cop a feel first.

You get first overall to start a league, which player would you choose? And why?

Keith in Flames Answer: Oof I guess McDavid even though I hate the kid. But I’d feel like an idiot if I took Kirill. Svechnikov would be nice too. Really my reasoning is the best player I can get that is super young because grabbing an old guy would make no sense in the first round.

SL : After your « cop » comment earlier, I started to be nervous when I read «  grabbing an old guy ».

What’s the best way to approach you about a trade request?

Keith in Flames Answer: Just make an offer and we’ll build it from there. I suck at making offers as usually I log on drunk at night and send out dumb trade offers.

SL: Do you get dumb replies?

Keith in Flames Answer: I usually get told to fuck off or ignored which both are rightfully justified when I wake up in the morning and read back to see why I have private messages and realize ohhhhhh I sent dumb ass trades.

What annoys you when a GM approaches you ?

Keith in Flames Answer: No one annoys me. There’s only one person who annoys me and I think he’s banished from this league or if he isn’t he hasn’t joined yet luckily.

I know the SHL rulebook is a near perfect work but if they was one rule that you would change or add, what would it be?

Keith in Flames Answer: REMOVE THE SALARY CAP. FREE THE CASH PUPPIES.

SL : No need to scream! We get you !

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If there was no stupid virus around, and you have an unlimited amount of cash, where would be the first destination you travel into? Could be space!

Keith in Flames Answer: Oakland during the baseball season so I could see my Athletics in person in Oakland which I’ve never done before. Always see them in the ballparks around Pennsylvania.

SL : Are they going to get their new stadium built or not?

Keith in Flames Answer : They’ll get it built in another city unfortunately. I lost faith in the Oakland City Council.

What gets you these days! Sports event, TV Series, your cat, anything?

Keith in Flames Answer: Past 2 weeks it was Womens Curling for the Olympics. Other than that its just watching the Wild because Flyers suck major ass this year.

SL : Could you imagine Giroux in a Wild uniform?

Keith in Flames Answer : I’d buy every version of his jersey (MiC obliviously for those that know what that mean) and proudly represent it. Nothing makes me nut faster than Giroux one timing a pass to Kirill for a goal. FUCK YEAH PUT A BABY IN ME.

Any questions, queries, comments or dark secrets you want to add before we leave?

Keith in Flames Answer: Please don’t leave I’m lonely. Spend the night.

SL : We are always here for you brother.

Thanks a lot for answering all my questions! Now! Who would you like to hear about next and what should be the first question?

Keith in Flames Answer : Ask Saif. What is the origin of his name?